Baabo the Interstellar Boy: The Corperate Overlord
By: Aidan Shea
Laminate floors proved to make the footsteps of the two PEEV personal a melancholy staccato. The repeated echos of their bright poka-dotted slippers proved to create a melody of squeaking like that of a child's horn. Their noses were masked by red spheres and hair the color of a tasty sherbert excrement from that of a unicorn. Their face makeup held that of permanent smiles, yet even the poorly painted cosmetics could not hide their expressions of nauseating bewilderment.
The echoes continued until the reached the end of the hall. They stood in front of the door eyes transfixed on the plaque resting to its right. On it read “Office of Baabo9”. The men didn't have the strength to shudder, it had left them the moment they received the call. Glancing at the other, they both grasped the handle and stepped into the threshold of Baabo's office.
Once inside the door shut behind them, removing any light source that aided any identification of the situation they had just stumbled upon.
“Does it please you two to insult me so?”, uttered the author of the line while hiding in the dark.
The two PEEV personnel returned with sheepish groans of subservience.
Suddenly the lights came on. Presented at the front of the room was none other than Baabo. He stared at the men with eyes of emerald green and the attire of a bespoke gentleman. Originally sitting behind a desk, in one swift motion he stood up and walked around his desk towards the two Personnel. His strides were long yet purposeful, made even more by his Sicilian-ordained trousers…. Wait. He doesn't have pants on.
The two clowns gasped as they stared at his Minecraft boxers. The creeper was of notable effect as it was in fact red, not their classic green.
Baabo noticed their confusion and decided that an explanation wasn't worth his time.
“How dare you two take a water break at Big Jim's birthday party last week. This is a business that necessitates professionalism.”
The two men stared at each other, and in unison uttered their pitiful excuse
“Sir, we were told that it was a child's birthday party. This was a forty year old man sitting alone in his living room… not some birthday party with cake that would make a clowns presence needed.”
Baabo stared at them, infuriated by their insolence. With a breathe out to control his emotions, Baabo let out a war cry.
He lunged at them, he roundhouse kicked the first into oblivion, sending him straight through the ceiling. The second was not so lucky. Baabo would hold him down, and tie him to a chair. Baabo searched through his pockets and grabbed the Clown’s phone. Typing in the password to the clowns personal phone, Baabo knew this as he was an abusive boss, and opened his bank account.
“I can think of no better punishment that this”, Baabo stated with a grin on his face.
He proceeded to wire all the money the clown had to a charity for paralized puppies.
“No, not social good, anything but making my money go to social good” the clown would cry. “Just end me now, I cannot live knowing that I saved a puppy’s life”
The reader is now confused (if they somehow weren't already). Why is it that a clown would be so distraught after his money went to paralyzed puppies. Well, these puppies are actually rebel warlords. Yes that is right, they created an uprising to exterminate all of man kind. These puppies murdered my family. Yeah, I bet you feel really bad now after thinking what's wrong with helping them. The blood. Oh the carnage they created. Burned into my retinas. The trauma is unspeakable.
Baabo laughed and let out an awry smile. He tossed the phone away and saw as the clown cried, knowing that he just allowed for even more carnage to come to innocent people. Yet Baabo didn't care. It was about the message. Baabo would stroll out the door the clowns had come in, and then proceeded to enter into the movie American Psycho.
Patrick Bateman: New card. What do you think?
Craig McDermott: Whoa-ho. Very nice. Look at that.
Patrick Bateman: Picked them up from the printer's yesterday.
David Van Patten: Good coloring.
Patrick Bateman: That's bone. And the lettering is something called Silian Rail.
Baabo The Boy: That's nothing, look at this, its Eggshell with Romalian type.
Patrick Bateman: Nice
Patrick was visibly disturbed. Nothing could top Babbo's business card. Baabo noticed this however, and decided to hold Patrick in his harms. Hugging him and telling him, “I am sorry for embarrassing you snooki bear”. Patrick responded, “I understand”. They then hugged for hours.